That’s
right I have failed. Anyone who really knows me knows I hate to fail. I hate
not being good at something, I am ok with not being the “best” but I will be
good! Not being the best just gives me the drive to keep getting better. Call
it “Little Lady Syndrome” (I love having a syndrome because then it looks le-git!),
being a defeated first-born, or a closet Type-A personality. Failing isn’t an
option!
Teaching
the kids to drive has been my Kobayashi Maru: a no-win situation, designed to
test my character. I have found my character to be less than stellar, choosing
my own survival over the psyche of my children.
I
first realized my inept skills as a driver’s ed teacher while trying to teach
Garrett how to drive. We barely made it out of the cal-du-sac when I told him
he was going to either kill me or damage my car and to get out and let me
drive. I continued through out Garrett’s learning period to approach every
intersection, every driving scenario with the phrase, “who/what is going to
kill you first?” I felt this got across how scared I was. Was I either going to
be killed by him pulling out into traffic? Making a left hand turn, or by his
reckless desideratum for driving too close to the curb? I wasn’t sure but I did
want him to know that I entered the car envisioning my ambulance ride to the
nearest hospital, my need for emergency surgery to possibly amputate an
appendage, and how I was going to call into work to explain why I couldn’t come
in. These thoughts flooded every moment of driving.
There
was yelling and screaming (mostly me), there were tears, there were things said
that I could never imagine my parents saying to me. What had happened to the
sweet mother I use to be?
With
Lauren it wasn’t much better. It was made worse because she was a witness to
everything Garrett had to go through and still wasn’t a better driver. I was
dumb struck! How was I going to do this again? Needless to say I failed again,
my character weighed and still found wanting. What a horrible mother. I did try
to be better. I tried to channel my dad would just sit in the passenger seat
and twitch his finger one way or the other to let me know if I was starting to
drift out of my lane. I tried to just give into the idea that emergency surgery
wouldn’t be so bad, and that work would understand.
I have run the scenario over and over in my head, attempting to
redefine the problem so this test will not end with my utter failure. Was it
because we let them read too much? The kids were always reading whenever we
drove somewhere, they never paid attention to where we were going, decisions we
were making as we drove and how the car was suppose to stay in the lane. Was it
because we live in a busy city, and not the two lane, one flashing light town I
grew up in that I was so nervous? Or was it societies fault? Once cell phones came into play the kids would be
busy texting their friends etc…and since you can’t text and drive why not have
mom and dad drive you everywhere so you don’t miss anything?
Just as Captain Kirk said, "I don't
believe in the no-win scenario." I knew I had to not give into failure,
the kids must get their driver’s licenses, and I refused to drive them around
while they are in college! So I changed the program, the goal was not to teach
them to be good drivers it was to pass the test. Who cares if you can really
drive or not, every day I am on the road with hundreds of people who can’t
drive, have no idea how to use their turn signals, stay in the right hand lane
so others can pass, yield to oncoming traffic, or stay in their lane.
Suddenly my demise became less of a
threat. I could look at this sistuation from a different point of view. Despite having “cheated”, Kirk was
awarded a commendation for "original thinking." My award for “original
thinking”? Two kids who have their driver’s licenses, no more stomach ulcers,
and insurance premiums that could fund a small country.
Failure? I
think not! Kobayashi Maru passed!
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